Home > Fun Stuff > A moment of silence please. Mitch McConnell just lost his father

A moment of silence please. Mitch McConnell just lost his father


Bronze Age Mutant Ninja Turtle – Zero in a half shell

Methuselah, a giant tortoise whose life began in the Galapagos Islands 130 years ago, has died in Rapid City, S.D. Since 1954, the huge animal has been a star attraction at Reptile Gardens, where officials estimate that he posed for photographs with tens of thousands of visitors, many of them children.

Methuselah began his life in 1881. Here’s a sampling of what else was going on that year:

James Garfield became president.
Billy the Kid escaped from jail and was killed by Pat Garrett in New Mexico.
The American Red Cross was established.
The O.K. Corral gunfight took place in Tombstone, Arizona.

Commenting Senator McConnell claimed that tax cuts could have saved Methuselah because they are the answer to everything.

Sarah Palin blamed President Obama for the death of Methuselah and said it was a blood libel to think that she was dreaming of shooting the turtle from a helicopter. She then started talking randomly about cream and garlic sauce and quit the interview half way through.

John Boehner was in floods of tears, later it was revealed that was because someone moved his whisky glass.

Actual story: NPR

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