Dear Rich Republican

I can protect you from the Godless come the rapture.

I understand that you are concerned about what God awful Communist may take over your home on May 23, the day after rapture. May I humbly suggest that in advance you bequeath it to me

I do believe that the free market for many things is the best way to manage scarce resources on the planet. I was also christened a Catholic and I was confirmed at the age of 11.

Obviously I do not meet the exacting standards required of rapture come 22 May, which is why I fully expect to remain on the planet next Monday.

I may not have perfected my belief in the free market, Christianity or other such things. An ex boyfriend or two might raise your concerns. However I am a good guy and will not trash your place.

So I suggest that you leave me your property and sign up in advance of May 22, after all some godless Communist may lay claim to your hard work God Given property otherwise. If by any chance you are not raptured up, and I have no reason to doubt your Godliness, then arrangements can be made. I could rent you a spare room or two. Or put you up in the Garden. Many of your rooms may not be available as they may be filled with people who are currently homeless. The poor will always be with us, but there will be less if you give them a head start of an address. A lack of a room for you will only be because as you have repeatedly stated be because you have not been pious enough. Remember, hurry. This will only ever happen once in this lifetime. Your doubt about your ability to be raptured will result in you failing to be raptured.

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  1. May 17, 2011 at 12:15 am

    If there is a rapture come Saturday, I hope there’s at least an open bar!

    • May 17, 2011 at 12:25 am

      I want to remain on Earth with all the fun people. Imagine seeing Mitt Romney naked. It would turn me straight.

  2. hypocritebasher
    May 19, 2011 at 1:28 pm

    Rich Republican?!

    Maybe you should talk to John Kerry, the Democrat that has been skipping out on paying taxes on his multi million dollar yacht.

    Or better yet, maybe you should talk to Claire McCaskill, the Democrat from Missouri who been skipping out on paying taxes on her multi million dollar private jet.

    The one upside for both of these Democrats is the fact that they are now qualified to work for the Obozo administration.

    • May 19, 2011 at 6:13 pm

      They made their money and are free to choose how to spend it. Will you be raptures Saturday?

      • hypocritebasher
        May 19, 2011 at 9:19 pm

        Are they free to avoid paying their “fair share”?

        Isn’t this what the liberals want?

        Or is it OK for Democrats to not pay taxes?

        • May 19, 2011 at 11:35 pm

          If it is legal, it is legal. Democrats believe in closing loopholes, Republicants do not.

          • hypocritebasher
            May 20, 2011 at 12:41 pm

            You liberal idiots want to raise our taxes, but you feel you don’t have to pay your own taxes. The hypocrisy boggles the mind.

            • May 20, 2011 at 6:43 pm

              Actually, the Ryan plan raises taxes on all those earning under £250k but Republicants are so stupid that they do not even know that.

              • hypocritebasher
                May 21, 2011 at 4:47 pm

                This has nothing to do with the Ryan plan.

                Why are liberal such hypocrites? It’s OK to raise taxes but they don’t want to pay their “fair share”

                Liberal hypocrites bashed yet again.

          • hypocritebasher
            May 23, 2011 at 5:32 pm

            Democrats also believe in not paying their taxes.

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